As I am sure readers know, the Island is a special place when adversity and difficult news hits home, the people on the Island show up.
After a few weeks of increasingly concerning symptoms, I checked into the emergency room at the Martha’s Vineyard Hospital on Dec. 21 for what led to an ultimate diagnosis of stage 4 metastatic lung cancer.
Since October, I was having sharp, darting pain in my shoulder, forearm and armpit, weird unstretchable aching in my hip, swelling in my glands, and numbness in my ring and middle finger. For a while I ignored these symptoms, chalking them up to being 58 years old, the flu and playing too much tennis. After noticing that I was feeling badly on the tennis court, Dr. John Freedman of Chilmark urged me to head down to the emergency room.
What will stay with me forever is the very astute care of Dr. Katherine Stedman, who wisely ordered a CT scan of my neck and then delivered a very sullen and serious message. Her bedside manner revealed an appropriate level of concern with the consequences of what I would soon face.
Thankfully, the first call I made was Dr. Phil Kantoff of West Tisbury. I knew him as “streetball” Phil and we had become very friendly over his junk ball tennis slice and good net game. What I soon found out was that Dr. Kantoff was a “legend” in the field of oncology, having made advances in prostate cancer — the kind that impacts countless lives and yet we don’t even know who is the person responsible — and having served for more than 30 years at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute and Memorial Sloan Kettering. He is one of the doctors most responsible for creating their outstanding culture of care. Dr. Kantoff sprung into action, notwithstanding the upcoming holidays, setting up an appointment with the leading lung oncologist at Dana Farber for two days after Christmas.
Immediately, we would find out what that truly outstanding level of care, for which we are very grateful, consists of through an amazing team of oncologists, surgeons, nurse practitioners, physician assistants and support staff. After my first biopsy did not yield any results, I enlisted our friend Dr. Chris Gilligan, a seasonal Aquinnah resident and chief anesthesiologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, whose family are regulars on the Chilmark summer tennis scene. Dr. Gilligan was able to expedite a second biopsy and by Jan. 11 I had a full diagnosis and treatment plan that would include regular chemotherapy infusions and possible immunotherapy. Dana Farber has made incredible advances in this field in recent years.
Closer to home, I was able to lean on the tremendous support I have received from emergency physicians and good friends, Dr. Jeff Zack and Dr. Jeff Horenstein, both of Chilmark. I had also met the two of them playing tennis at the community center — I’m not sure Dr. Zack has much tennis game, but his wife Patricia Bacon is fierce — and Dr. Horenstein, a tennis zealot who rekindles his youth USTA tennis career and pinball wizardry battling up against the MVRHS tennis players.
Though neither is my primary care physician, Dr. Zack had a look at my early symptoms and tracked my chart as test results started coming in; he was responsible for recruiting Dr. Stedman to Martha’s Vineyard Hospital. Dr. Horenstein has provided an alternative analysis of my diagnosis and rolled up his sleeves to gather further opinion from other medical colleagues. Physician assistant Aubrey Ryan of West Tisbury greeted me at the ER to let me know I was in good hands. She is also a Chilmark tennis friend.
In my view, keeping doctors, nurses, physician assistants and nurse practitioners on the Island should be a main objective of the hospital. Their support has been incredibly available and invaluable.
As I am sure readers know, the Island is a special place when adversity and difficult news hits home, the people on the Island show up. Before the holiday season was out, our community of friends had offered meals, farm vegetables, teas, greens and firewood delivered to the house, extra blankets, places to stay in Boston when I have treatment, further medical options and emotional support, local wellness recommendations from yoga to acupuncture, massage, even astrological readings. All true expressions of comfort, compassion and love.
A good number of these friends I had met through tennis in Chilmark, including Eddie Stahl, the tennis pro, who was the direct conduit to those relationships. He has spent the better part of the last 25 years dedicated to creating a year-round community of players. We start playing in March and he’s out there every day in 30-degree weather to hit with all comers. The lesson is still the same: enjoy the game and provide support for neighbors and friends. Now there is a chance those relationships could save my life.
This up-Island tennis community has become even more vibrant in the recent years since Covid. We celebrate milestones together, the occasional latte and, unfortunately, the depths of despair over losing a spouse, needing a kidney transplant or just the regular daily difficulties we face.
I have come to realize more tenderly the deep pain others feel and it’s part of my mission going forward to be available as a source of strength for others. Naturally, the thoughts of mortality are more raw for me now. What I also know, though, is that all of us face these fears. I beat cancer once in my 20s, and with the loving support of family and friends I am determined to do the same again. But I know I can’t do it without them.
For the past several years, I have had the good fortune to serve as the elected representative from Chilmark on the Martha’s Vineyard Commission. Part of the commission’s charge is to protect and conserve the truly exceptional natural beauty of the Island and its surrounding environment, which is our obligation. But what may equal or exceed that need is to preserve, protect and conserve our Island community.
Yes, the sunsets, ocean, sand and water are beautiful, but what is really breathtaking and life giving are the people of this Island.
Jay Grossman lives in Chilmark.

Comments
No words more true. Slow
Jessica ChilmarkNo words more true. Slow feeds, fast quips, and even faster recovery to you. We’ve got you, Jay.
Beautifully written
Antonia Deignan Chilmark Tennis CourtBeautifully written
Keep swinging
Jay, this is thoughtful and
Patrick Williams ChilmarkJay, this is thoughtful and touching. I’m sure we are in a long line of people who are ready at a moment’s notice to do anything, anytime.
Beautiful writing, Beautiful
Marcy MenemshaBeautiful writing, Beautiful forehand, Beautiful heart❤️
Jay, you are an inspiration
Annabelle ChilmarkJay, you are an inspiration to all mankind not just tennis players. The tennis community in Chilmark is extra- special because you make it that way. I can attest to the groups continuing support for me over the past year. We have your back and will continue your work as the leader of the Friends of Chilmark Tennis. What a community this island is. Get well soon. Love you even though you hate my backhand!
Wishing you a very speedy
Miriam Greenberg Port Chester NYWishing you a very speedy recovery I have faith that you can do it again
Jay this was truly a deeply
Emily aka “streetball” Phil‘S kidJay this was truly a deeply meaningful article. Evidence that your writing and quick wit are as strong as your tennis game. Cheers to more victories for you, both on and off the court. Know we are all rooting for you!
Jay, very sorry to hear about
Margaret Washington, DCJay, very sorry to hear about the cancer, but it sounds like you are in excellent hands -- medical and otherwise. A beautiful piece about a remarkable community and the vital importance of personal relationships. Holding you in my thoughts.
Beautifully written. Truth.
Karen Liffmann ProvidenceBeautifully written. Truth. Get well.
So sorry to hear, Jay. What a
Scot Nourok Lambertville, New JerseySo sorry to hear, Jay. What a well written and heartfelt essay. Julia and I are thinking of you and wish you well.
Beautiful, Jay
Lang BostonBeautiful, Jay
Beautiful piece but sorry to
Ellen Celli MenemshaBeautiful piece but sorry to read this Jay. I’m so glad you have such an amazing support network. This is just a reminder of how special the vineyard is. Sending love and prayers to you and Nancy.
Big hugs from all of us, Jay.
Larry Weiss AndoverBig hugs from all of us, Jay. Sending good energy for a full recovery.
Love you Jay. Clearly, we
Jason Balaban ChilmarkLove you Jay. Clearly, we need more medical practitioners in the softball game! Looking forward to seeing you around Chilmark soon. You got this. The Balabans
From one lung cancer patient
Linda Thompson ChilmarkFrom one lung cancer patient to another I wish you the best treatment for a full recovery.
I am very sorry to read this
Bliss Chilmark and BrooklynI am very sorry to read this news, but I am not surprised to learn that the Chilmark tennis community that you have been so instrumental in creating has got your back. Please count Nico, Roman and me among those who are rooting for you and here for however we can help.
Beautiful writing and oh, so
Robyn Goodwin Vineyard HavenBeautiful writing and oh, so true about this place. Sending more heart from Vineyard Haven.
I'm in the same camp with
Derry ChilmarkI'm in the same camp with everyone who is supporting you, Jay. Thankyou for writing this article. We are grateful for your candor, your spirit, your love, and your fight on all fronts.
Thank you for your honest,
Julie Parish San FranciscoThank you for your honest, courageous and loving message to Chilmark and the world!! Sending you healing thoughts and prayers all the way from SF. It’s a love/love match❤️❤️❤️
Hi Jay, My brother Phil, an
Pete Demers Los Angeles KingsHi Jay, My brother Phil, an Ables Hill neighbor, sent me your meaningful letter. Sorry to hear of your illness. So glad that you are surrounded by so much love and first class care. Wishing you a full recovery! As you know, in hockey, we are all family and everyone is pulling for you.
As summer court friends, Josh
Laura Raicovich New York, NYAs summer court friends, Josh and I send you our support and care for a full recovery, Jay. And we cannot agree more that upisland tennis is where it’s at, with Eddie and you and many others at its core. Community at its best…
Sending love and healing
Moira Chilmark and CASending love and healing thoughts across the miles. ❤️
David and I are so sorry to
Stefni Bogard Lido Beach, New YorkDavid and I are so sorry to hear of your cancer diagnosis. Your essay was beautiful, heartfelt and filled with love for your community. We are all rooting for you. Sending healing energy. Love to you and your family!
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