We head to Martha’s Vineyard in April for our work week at the rental cottage.
We generally head to Martha’s Vineyard in April for our work week at the rental cottage our two families own, and we pay off-season rates for things like golf. It used to be $35 with a cart for 18 holes (at least, who’s counting?). Dick and I and our friend Andy tell our wives that golf is work the way we play it.
But this year, our week was later, in June, and high-season sticker shock knocked our knickers below our knees. I’d always assumed that green fees rose in the summer, but swing low sweet chariot, I had no idea they went into high earth orbit.
On the very day we disembarked, the rates went from shoulder to in season, skyrocketing $65 to $175 a round (per person) at one of the local courses open to hoi polloi. (Its name is omitted here to protect the exorbitant, although truth be told, virtually all Island courses are wicked expensive.)
And what in the name of Ben Hogan justified the steep increase — hotter weather, higher humidity and more time waiting at every tee?
Suddenly I had a new and higher handicap: I couldn’t afford to play golf.
Back here in mainland America, in little old East Haddam, Conn., we pay $30 for a round at a respectable course, where I can lose a sleeve of balls and a pitching wedge on a good day.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the Vineyard. I have been frequenting it for half a century, since the summers of my not-so-bright college years. I must love it, or else I’m a masochist. I enjoy a $35 artisanal pie as much as the next person.
Our families come out for a week or two in the summer, and we have gotten used to high season prices, but June strikes me as a tad early. For our August vacation we load our respective cars to the gills with drygoods, liquid refreshments, bitcoins and other nonperishables. We don’t even think of playing golf.
In a perverse way, the ludicrous prices are part of the Island’s charm. They make for sparkling cocktail party conversation back home. “Honey, remember the time we filled our fanny pack with groceries on the Vineyard for $65? We can’t do that here in Connecticut, now can we!”
One recent summer, I went into a country store to get two coffees and a newspaper and handed the clerk my friend’s $20 bill. When I gave Dick back $1.50 in change, he said, “Whoa, Nelly, that can’t be right.” I replied, “Dick, don’t be silly, we’re on the Vineyard.”
We went back in and, sure enough, the clerk had added our total to the person’s bill ahead of me in line. Happy ending aside, the point is I was willing to pay any price, to bear any burden just to be on the Vineyard. Well, almost.
Of course, it’s not just Vineyard pies and golf that challenge the laws of economics and my 401K. What looks for all intents and purposes to be a two-car garage in Menemsha overlooking barrels overflowing with lobster chum, can go for half a million.
Almost anything Island-ish can wax outlandish. Take pumping out your septic system, for instance. If it doesn’t cost twice the mainland price, then it costs three times as much.
One way to deal with Vineyard inflation is to stay hydrated. When a friend told me last summer that a beverage purveyor would deliver for free anywhere on the Island, no minimum order, I was incredulous. Free? On the Vineyard? He must be pulling my leg. Our cottage is in Aquinnah and a packy run to Oak Bluffs takes the better part of two hours in the summer.
I grilled the clerk on the phone for a solid five minutes and he stuck to his story. “Look, pal,” he finally said, “are you going to buy any booze or not?” Clearly business must be brisk to justify this perk.
I ordered a case of beer and Dick and Andy and I proceeded to play a spirited round of cottage golf: the winner is the one who knocks the ball around the house in the fewest strokes — without breaking any windows.
David Holahan is a freelance writer who lives in East Haddam, Conn., and Aquinnah.

Comments
You forgot to mention the tip
A Kansas Summer Person Lives in Leawood, Ks and West TisburyYou forgot to mention the tip jars at every register
Funny. A reading pleasure as
Peter Pfluger Vineyard HavenFunny. A reading pleasure as usual. Thanks David. Not very long ago during the good old days, I remember buying dinner to go at a certain establishment in Menemsha and paying about 8 bucks for an excellent feast that consisted of an ear of corn, a stuffed quahog, a cup of clam chowder, and a slice of blueberry pie. The same thing now is 35 bucks.
LOL... as a resident of
Karen M Killingworth, CTLOL... as a resident of Killingworth, just a hop, skip and Jump from East Haddam, and a fellow Island lover and outlandish cost payer, I laughed out loud at this piece. Well written, thank you - We're visiting MV next week. Will avoid the golf courses (wow, had no idea but not surprised) and the grocery stores too. That we knew about. On the rare occasions we found a parking spot. I do love the place though, so it's worth it.
Why do I find this sad? So
diane edgartownWhy do I find this sad? So glad we share the same memories of MV before it was discovered. Sorry our grandchildren won't know the old vineyard. As a friend of mine always says, if you want to play with the rich you pay like the rich....I guess in reality we are rich to have our memories and shop off island...
David:
Don Klepper-Smith West TisburyDavid:
As former chair of the Governor's Council of Economic Advisors under Rell, and a 38 year resident of West Tisbury, and knowing what Indian Springs in Middlefield charges vs what we pay on-island, I'd suggest what I do: Any open field, a shag bag, and a target 100 yards away. Closest to the target wins a bag of groceries at Cronig's. Well done. I'm going through withdrawl too until September!
As a native, but now off
Horace H. Waters Andover, MA 01810As a native, but now off-islander, I have to add my very first Vineyard financial crisis. When I was 13, mumble years ago, my mother paid me to mow our small Edgartown lawn once a week. Every Saturday I got 25 cents. My budget was carefully managed; 15 cents for the Saturday afternoon movie (usually Roy Rogers or Gene Autry), 5 cents for a candy-bar to eat during the movie, and 5 cents for an ice cream cone after the movie. Everything balanced and all was right with the world until inflation reared its ugly head. Ice cream cones went from 5 to 7 cents. Balance was destroyed, my weekends were ruined, my world came crashing down. Then my wise and generous mother saved the day, and the world, by coming up with another 2 cents. I have never forgotten the financial lesson of the inevitability of inflation - what goes up does not necessarily come down - and, oh yes, there are sometimes heroes and heroines in the world. Thanks Mom.
Horace
I get the charm, I’ve been a
Christine VHI get the charm, I’ve been a summer resident for 30 years. Now full time with a family and the summer doesn’t invoke charm anymore, because for everyone who’s an islander you may be here for the summer or on holidays but for us it’s Wednesday and we’ve still got to get to work and pay higher prices for the same product and the same tee times, but we now get the added extra benefit of attitude from the summer visitors and the people serving them and the tourists. Summer people, summer not...
It seems you’ve never been to
Gerry MV & NYIt seems you’ve never been to an MV Sharks baseball game. They are a collegette
summer league team with players from schools all over the country - Pepperdine to Yale and many others. For $10 you get admission to the game and a burger and hot dog. Plus, and thanks to the generosity of a couple of we’ll known Vineyard tie-guys all kids 13 & under get in free. It’s family fun without the sticker shock you’ve all been suffering.
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